Gotta deal with it...

A lot of people don't get who I am or why. For me, the biggest and hardest thing is trying to convince myself I'm worth something. At times when I get so frustrated or so annoyed and people look at me and tell me I look stupid or am being dramatic, it can be a self esteem dropper. This is mainly because I feel like an idiot and feel like maybe I would be better off as a hidden soul or someone who just wasn't there. Ya know? Musing on the idea of not existing can be a comfort. 

This happened tonight, but that's when I had a friend tell me that it is just the adversary. That Satan just wants me to feel the way I do. It's true. So many people are gonna think I'm dramatic, stupid, ridiculous, awful, selfish, angry, bitter and I guess it's come down too this. I just gotta deal with it. People are gonna tell me this is what i need to do, this is what needs to be fixed. This behavior has to stop. Some stuff obviously yes. But other things.. Its hard to make people understand the way I act or react is due to poor thinking and that isn't changed overnight. So when they say, you need to stop doing that... They are really telling me. "Alyssa, Stop thinking the way you think, so you can act the right way, the way you act off of the correct way to think." Haha that's a mouth full and reality is, that's the way it is. 

I have finally come to grips. Everyone has awful, stupid behaviors and things they do that bother everyone. What i have to do is just do things to please my Father in Heaven and let those people adjust to their extent and Ill adjust the best I can. Sometimes What is needed is to give a little and get a little. And for me, I think for everyone else, it would be best if I adjusted to what they need and what will help relationships with other people, than if I'm lucky im seeing, that people will adjust to me. 

Luckily, even if everyone hates me and hates my personality, God loves me and loves me for who I am. And that's I believe the blessing for everyone. Even if no one likes us, or likes who we are or how we are. God does and he thinks we are perfect the way we are. And I don't need anyone to tell me that or to accept me. I'm a good person and as long as I do and make God happy, everything else will fall into place. 

One less worry, one more happiness. Also Conference was EXCELLENT! 

Alyssa