Tonight I've had a lot of things to reflect on, While Talking with my Cousin who is going on a Mission and So Faithfully Reading my Patriarchal Blessing and Reflecting on my past and where my life is going I thought now was finally a point in my life I have come to that I can grip onto what is my gratitude.
I am almost 21 but I wanted to share an experience that has been most completely life changing. 3 Years ago in a dark questioning time of my life I really struggled knowing who I was. Before College and at the very beginning of my Senior Year I made some decisions that I look back and am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for bringing me past.
Suicide was my option. Was my light, was my Dark, was my Plan. September of 2010 when I spent so much time in a life that was so dark and dreary, I planned to Kill Myself. I was so graciasly stopped by a very Humble Soul and she knows who she is. Since then, I have faced many trials but none of them will ever compare to the blessings that have shined into my life.
That would have been the most awful mistake I would have ever made. I have met so many amazing people, I have gone through so much, met so many amazing people, lived and found relationships with my family that thrive but nothing will compare to the Love and Comfort and Blessings I have found and the Friend I have found in my Father in Heaven and in My Savior and the faith I have in the Atonement.
I can firmly stand going into 2014, moving 4 years later and for the first time in my life i can finally see the biggest light. . . .
This gets better. The Biggest Blessing and Strength I have learned in this life, is that God will NEVER leave you. No matter who you are, what you believe, what you struggle with, if you turn your Faith to God and to those you love and remember the best thing I have heard.
D&C 121: 7 - My Son, peace by unto thy soul; thine adversity and thin afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8- And if thou enure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
There is so much truth in these scriptures. I want to thank all those who have stayed with me, my family, my friends and all those people who have walked with me through the years and still do, for the faith you have brought me and the strength you have empowered me with but, and most importantly I thank my Father in Heaven and my Savior for bringing me up and above my trials and into a place where I know with everything in me. This world and this life is the biggest, most amazing blessing we have. Enjoy it.
I love you all.
Alyssa
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Sunday, September 8, 2013
My Heart is Saddened. . . .
While walking in the store recently, I was aware that I wasn't looking so amazing due to the storm that had passed through and my hair had gotten wet and soggy and gross, I also take note that I am aware I am not the "Ideal, Socially Accepted beautiful woman" The world thinks I ought to be and I have lived now almost 21 years and am okay with myself and comfortable enough to say that I really do not care what other people think anymore.
The problem that I encountered is not an issue because I was offended but because of the people around me who were. I walked down an aisle searching for a certain type of marinade for my sister, my brother who is ten lagged behind as ten year olds often do in the store. When he reached me he looked upset and when I talked with him, he explained that a woman had turned to her daughter, pointed at me and started saying some negative things about me.
Let me explain something to everyone, I do not care if you say negative things about me, I do not care if you have an opinion. That is the Human Thing to do. It would not surprise as I explained to my parents when I arrived home, that if when I walk through places if 3 or 4 people stopped and talked about me, because I am aware again, I am not the stereotypical normal person that the world see's I should be.
What I have a problem with and what saddens me is when people think it's okay to talk about people without regard to who is around them. It saddens me that I had to sit and explain to my brother why people who have never met me, would say such rude and derogatory things about me. It breaks my heart that, that woman is teaching her daughter if you have an opinion about the way a person is or walks or talks, you should whisper and say awful things about them and you should do it publicly.
While I am not perfect and I am sure in the past I have done this. I find shame in my own actions, because words are the scarring force and this knife that in the end will put a lot of people over the edge people pay no respect for. While I am no where near the edge, and this doesn't hurt me in the way it maybe should, there are other people who may be close and that dagger you spit out of your self centered mouth is going to poke them over the cliff. We are human and do this, and I understand, You may see someone walking in the store, in the mall, on campus or maybe even at the bank and you will look and whisper, but remember that they will hear you at some point, while you blindly believe that you are so clever and quiet, (Which you are NOT.) And you are going to find yourself in a very ugly situation.
Suicide is an occurrence you hear more and more about, Outbursts where someone lost their temper and turned around and punched someone we also hear about more and more and people becoming hardened to the world are having done so from this horrible experience and I think that this little phenomenon of trashing people and giving your two cents needs to stop. After all one of the best things I have learned is this: When saying something think to your self, no matter who is around.
"Is it helpful? Is it hurtful? Is it necessary?"
I think if we (including myself) can amount to changing and taking into consideration the thoughts and feelings of another person, we can have a happier and better life.
Have a good day.
Alyssa
The problem that I encountered is not an issue because I was offended but because of the people around me who were. I walked down an aisle searching for a certain type of marinade for my sister, my brother who is ten lagged behind as ten year olds often do in the store. When he reached me he looked upset and when I talked with him, he explained that a woman had turned to her daughter, pointed at me and started saying some negative things about me.
Let me explain something to everyone, I do not care if you say negative things about me, I do not care if you have an opinion. That is the Human Thing to do. It would not surprise as I explained to my parents when I arrived home, that if when I walk through places if 3 or 4 people stopped and talked about me, because I am aware again, I am not the stereotypical normal person that the world see's I should be.
What I have a problem with and what saddens me is when people think it's okay to talk about people without regard to who is around them. It saddens me that I had to sit and explain to my brother why people who have never met me, would say such rude and derogatory things about me. It breaks my heart that, that woman is teaching her daughter if you have an opinion about the way a person is or walks or talks, you should whisper and say awful things about them and you should do it publicly.
While I am not perfect and I am sure in the past I have done this. I find shame in my own actions, because words are the scarring force and this knife that in the end will put a lot of people over the edge people pay no respect for. While I am no where near the edge, and this doesn't hurt me in the way it maybe should, there are other people who may be close and that dagger you spit out of your self centered mouth is going to poke them over the cliff. We are human and do this, and I understand, You may see someone walking in the store, in the mall, on campus or maybe even at the bank and you will look and whisper, but remember that they will hear you at some point, while you blindly believe that you are so clever and quiet, (Which you are NOT.) And you are going to find yourself in a very ugly situation.
Suicide is an occurrence you hear more and more about, Outbursts where someone lost their temper and turned around and punched someone we also hear about more and more and people becoming hardened to the world are having done so from this horrible experience and I think that this little phenomenon of trashing people and giving your two cents needs to stop. After all one of the best things I have learned is this: When saying something think to your self, no matter who is around.
"Is it helpful? Is it hurtful? Is it necessary?"
I think if we (including myself) can amount to changing and taking into consideration the thoughts and feelings of another person, we can have a happier and better life.
Have a good day.
Alyssa
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