Yesterday,
I had stopped off at my Mechanic, and I had a brief conversation about how much I worry about my car. I worry about everything, if you talk to me often, then you have heard me talk about my car and how it stresses me out.
I have mentioned to people on occasion, about my OCD and the patterns and disruption it causes in my life and how frustrating it is to be living with something that causes such endless distress and worry all the time. Well with this particular conversation with my Mechanic, It just ended up in me feeling pretty awful for how much I call and how off I've been on getting the small things done by them in return.
I spent a good time last night, wallowing, I fell asleep fairly early and slept for a long time and then I got up this morning went to work and now I'm sitting at my mechanic getting my lights fixed. There is a lot of shame being here now even with a reason but with that, it brings up a desire for something more and something better.
I don't want to live my life like this anymore. I hit a point, where I honestly stopped enjoying most everything that gave me anxiety, some things I just didn't even enjoy. Driving a car, being close to someone, serving someone, working, praying, spending time with my family. And I sat here and some days I sit here and think to myself I hate this. I am not enjoying living my life. I don't enjoy just sitting being happy and all I see is how many people have everything else, how many people don't have these trials, how many people don't have to deal with this. . .
And a song comes to mind by Montgomery Gentry. Lucky Man,.
I have days where I hate my job
This little town and the whole world too
Last Sunday when the Bengals lost
It put me in a bad mood
I have moments when I curse the rain
Then complain when the sun's too hot
I look around at what everyone has
And I forget about all I've got
But I know I'm a lucky man
God's given me a pretty fair hand
Got a house and a piece of land
A few dollars in a coffee can
My old trucks still running good
My ticker's ticking like they say it should
I got supper in the oven, a good woman's loving
And one more day to be my little kid's dad
Lord, knows I'm a lucky man.
Sometimes when we get so focused on our trials and how to fix them, we forget about all the beautiful things around us. We forget how to help another, how to be a friend, how to relax, how to be "Okay." We forget the blessings we have and forget about why we are here and what our goal is.
I have been super guilty of that and still am super guilty of it.
I haven't lived much life, but I have learned enough to know that what I'm doing isn't right and it's time to keep on going and keep on trucking. We (myself included) just need to remember to count our many blessings and keep moving forward in this life, which is a hopeful idea and a goal that I have for myself and hope that everyone else can fight to do as well.
Alyssa
Friday, June 27, 2014
Monday, June 16, 2014
A Blessing in Disguise. . . .
Lately, life has given me more than I have bargained for. This past Friday my car broke down, our fridge and freezer broke and we had troubles with our internet modems, so- you guessed it- no internet. I finally, I think, hit a breaking point and was super done with everything so when Sunday finally came and I was sick and in pain yet again, I was just absolutely finished.
Despite the irritation and illness, my Visiting Teachers came over and I just kind of had my little moment and break down to them. I hit a wall this past week and then it's where I saw the Miricles of my Father in Heaven come unraveled. Starting with those wonderful ladies, who truly helped me feel good and as they prayed with me, I started to have some clarity which I think led me into a big crossroad in my life.
This morning, my dad came and picked me up for work because of the lack of having a car,
I had a discussion with him about school this fall, and what I'm going to do. What do I do about a car, I am moving to a place that he doesn't know much about and moving to a place that is expensive and having no job lined up, I have been in the lightest of words, fatigued, unsure and stressed to have the experience .Despite those things I told my dad that I am in a contract for the fall and I am sticking with my plans. These have been my plans for months now and I am not changing them and I can't see how I could.
That's when I had an impression, a self revelation and the Spirit really got to me. The thoughts of things I could do to change my situation started to come and I had the most amazing change of heart and desire for my plans. And though it hasn't even been 24 hours, I knew without a doubt that I needed to stay where I am. Within hours of this realization I had my Job at Mapleton Elementary relined up for this fall, my Fall Contract easily and hassle free canceled, a car thought from my mechanic to get me running and the most amazing peace of mind that I can't even explain.
Some might think, are you sure you aren't just jumping into this? Maybe so, but with how quickly things changed in my heart, I had ended up making a decision and then I had a discussion with my mother following, and that is where I told her that I would not be moving. That is when she told me, "Alyssa, that is weird you would make that decision, because I told your Father this morning I felt that you shouldn't go to Weber." Wow. It brings me to a scripture in Doctrine and Covenents 6. It talks about Witnesses and today, I had a witness and in line with it, my mom had received the same witness. And what better witness could you have then from God?
I find this as a blessing and though maybe I will not be doing what I thought. And that is hard, but I know without a doubt that this impression came from my Father in Heaven and I am so excited to follow and see what he has in store with me.
As for now, I will be staying in Provo, attending UVU and will continue working as the Head Sweeper for Mapleton Elementary for this upcoming school year. I am beyond excited and can't thank my Father in Heaven enough for this guidance. For leading me to this impression and then making it fall into place so simply.
I have never felt more certain that I am where the Lord needs me to be and while I may not know why and it has changed MY Plans, I am optimistic that I am where the Lord needs me and that my life will follow the plan that he has in store and for that, despite the ambiguity, I cannot wait to see what is in store and where He will take me too next.
After all, without the hand of the Lord, where would I be?
Alyssa
Despite the irritation and illness, my Visiting Teachers came over and I just kind of had my little moment and break down to them. I hit a wall this past week and then it's where I saw the Miricles of my Father in Heaven come unraveled. Starting with those wonderful ladies, who truly helped me feel good and as they prayed with me, I started to have some clarity which I think led me into a big crossroad in my life.
This morning, my dad came and picked me up for work because of the lack of having a car,
I had a discussion with him about school this fall, and what I'm going to do. What do I do about a car, I am moving to a place that he doesn't know much about and moving to a place that is expensive and having no job lined up, I have been in the lightest of words, fatigued, unsure and stressed to have the experience .Despite those things I told my dad that I am in a contract for the fall and I am sticking with my plans. These have been my plans for months now and I am not changing them and I can't see how I could.
That's when I had an impression, a self revelation and the Spirit really got to me. The thoughts of things I could do to change my situation started to come and I had the most amazing change of heart and desire for my plans. And though it hasn't even been 24 hours, I knew without a doubt that I needed to stay where I am. Within hours of this realization I had my Job at Mapleton Elementary relined up for this fall, my Fall Contract easily and hassle free canceled, a car thought from my mechanic to get me running and the most amazing peace of mind that I can't even explain.
Some might think, are you sure you aren't just jumping into this? Maybe so, but with how quickly things changed in my heart, I had ended up making a decision and then I had a discussion with my mother following, and that is where I told her that I would not be moving. That is when she told me, "Alyssa, that is weird you would make that decision, because I told your Father this morning I felt that you shouldn't go to Weber." Wow. It brings me to a scripture in Doctrine and Covenents 6. It talks about Witnesses and today, I had a witness and in line with it, my mom had received the same witness. And what better witness could you have then from God?
I find this as a blessing and though maybe I will not be doing what I thought. And that is hard, but I know without a doubt that this impression came from my Father in Heaven and I am so excited to follow and see what he has in store with me.
As for now, I will be staying in Provo, attending UVU and will continue working as the Head Sweeper for Mapleton Elementary for this upcoming school year. I am beyond excited and can't thank my Father in Heaven enough for this guidance. For leading me to this impression and then making it fall into place so simply.
I have never felt more certain that I am where the Lord needs me to be and while I may not know why and it has changed MY Plans, I am optimistic that I am where the Lord needs me and that my life will follow the plan that he has in store and for that, despite the ambiguity, I cannot wait to see what is in store and where He will take me too next.
After all, without the hand of the Lord, where would I be?
Alyssa
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